When Rae first traveled from her home in rural England to TB Joshua’s church in Nigeria, she was fascinated by how this “saint” healed people of their most serious illnesses and filled with hope that her homosexuality could be “corrected.”

“I was homophobic deep down, and I’d known I was gay since I was about 12 years old and thought, ‘Oh my gosh, I have to deal with this,’” she said.

Rae – his surname I Agree to remain – comes from a Christian family and grew up in a conservative environment in a West Sussex village. She spent her childhood “climbing trees and walking through the woods.”

She was just a teenager when she first saw the “charismatic” evangelical leader – at one time the world’s most influential pastor – perform alleged miracles.

“I was so tired of reading the Book of Common Prayer that I didn’t really understand it,” Ray said, explaining what drew her to Church of All Nations Synagogue (Skone). “them [Scoan] We say that God is real. “

In her final year at university, she booked a week-long “spiritual retreat” at a church in Lagos, Nigeria’s largest city.

She witnessed a woman reportedly suffering from breast cancer being allegedly “cured” – Tuberculosis Joshua “reached forward” and the woman’s breasts appeared to “explode”.

“To me, there was an absolutely direct correlation between his actions and that person’s reaction in that moment.

“I burst into tears… I was overwhelmed, not by him or what was happening, but by this sudden, shocking reality. ‘Oh my God, God is real…’ I thought to myself, ‘You are in trouble. , you are not a very good girl. “

“I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling that I really needed to take my life very seriously and that God was all-seeing.”

By the end of the week, she had been recruited to stay at the compound, marking the beginning of 13 years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse by the “prophet.”

‘Being love bombed and shamed for being gay’

Rae is one of more than 25 former “disciples” who have worked with him. BBC Africa Eye Investigating alleged manipulation and abuse at the hands of Joshua.She recently appeared in an Africa Eye investigation Disciples: The Cult of Joshua T.B..

While Scone has not responded to the allegations in the BBC investigation, he has denied previous allegations against Joshua. “There is nothing new about baseless accusations against Prophet Joshua… None of the accusations have been proven,” it said.

The church did not respond IRequest for comment.

Ray told reporters the pastor used “love bombing” to recruit those who visited his compound and convince them he was “God’s representative on earth.” I. They were told to call him “Daddy” and to always be loyal to him.

“Once he does that, he starts to break you down and let you know what aspects of yourself are unsatisfactory or unacceptable,” she said, describing how she underwent several rounds of “conversion therapy that I could consider.” and “often felt ashamed because I was gay.”

In a system that Rey described as akin to “totalitarianism,” followers underwent “thought transformation,” and within a week, “my mind was almost controlled by TB Joshua.”

“I left friends, family and my old life behind,” said the 43-year-old, who now lives in Devon.

She joined a cult when she was 21. The accommodations were “super basic”, with people in the dorms sleeping in bunk beds and the toilets not private, with only shower curtains as doors.

Women were encouraged to walk around naked in the dormitories while people were “drunk from lack of sleep” as no more than three or four times a day were allowed. Meetings can still be held at 3am despite people allegedly working in conditions akin to “modern slavery” for much of the day.

There was a culture of “forced reporting” of alleged inappropriate behavior by other disciples, “to the point where people would exaggerate any small incident just to gain his favor.

“People will lie, people will embarrass you, you’ll talk about anything from someone taking too long to eating in the cafeteria to someone getting caught masturbating in the bathroom.

“It’s a really embarrassing thing,” Ray said, adding that Joshua often pre-planned humiliation by forcing people to “extract confessions.”

She added that cult members were not allowed to wear watches or cellphones, and that using the internet required signed permission from Joshua — and when she left the compound in 2013, she learned that many people had tried to contact her over the years, but that she had never received one e-mail.

“We deployed police with AK-47s at the gate of the compound,” Ray said. While this may have been for security reasons, the former disciple added: “Basically you were trapped, all our passports were taken away and they were locked in a vault the whole time we were there None of them can be accessed.”

“I thought I was a sinner”

Ray claims she was one of many people sexually assaulted by Joshua, with the abuse occurring over a period of six months to a year. She said she had lost track of time, but based on the events, she believed it was around 2003-2004.

“During that time, he called me several times, asked me to come to his bedroom, beat me and then sent me back,” she told me. I.

Ray said her brainwashing meant she rationalized what Joshua allegedly did while blaming herself for it. “I felt so much that I was the sinner of this situation that I even started to wonder if I was the cause of this situation. Was there some evil spirit in me that brought him down?”

She said she ended up self-isolating for two years because she was still gay. It wasn’t physical, but it meant no one could talk to her and she was fired. She suffered a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide several times.

“He prayed for me a lot, but I’m still gay and I’m very, very unhappy,” Ray added.

However, while it was a punishment, she explained, “He kind of lost control of me at this point” because Joshua was aware of her suicidal thoughts but did nothing to help.

Self-isolation caused “chips in the armor” that allowed Ray to regain a “modest amount” of independent thinking.

In 2013, during a business trip to Mexico, she decided to return to her parents’ home in the UK instead of returning to her accommodation because she did not believe Joshua had or was likely to change her sexual orientation.

“I realized he wasn’t helping me, and over time I’d gone through several rounds of what I thought was conversion therapy, public release, and it became clear to me that I still had homophobic feelings toward women, and This is not going away.”

Rae recalled the moment she realized “maybe being gay isn’t so bad after all” when she was watching Ellen DeGeneres and seeing her happily married to wife Portia De Rossi.

“I think if I hadn’t seen the Ellen DeGeneres content, I probably would still have stayed. It completely opened my mind to a different thought process. That particular thing basically led to The reason I left this place.

“It’s really ironic. Being gay got me here, being gay got me out of this, and I’m very grateful for that.

“I’m not ashamed of anything to do with who I am, I’m a human being and my gender and my orientation don’t make me more or less, it doesn’t make me who I am , it’s just a part of who I am.”

Wray accused the British government of inaction over the abuse of citizens “trapped” in cults by “absolutely prolific rapists and predators”.

She claimed that so-called welfare checks by the British High Commission in Nigeria were inadequate because British citizens living in the compound were stripped of their passports and unable to enter the outside world.

She and other survivors have written to the foreign secretary, Lord Cameron, asking him to confirm that the Foreign Office will investigate allegations of misconduct against British citizens and pressure Nigerian authorities to close Skone. But she claims she got no response.

A spokesman for the Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office (FCDO) said: I: “We take all reports of crime, including sexual assault and violence against British nationals overseas, very seriously.

“Our highly trained consular team are in contact 24 hours a day and are ready to provide support and advice to British nationals, including how to report this type of crime to local authorities.

“We always encourage UK nationals who wish to make such allegations, whether current or historical, to get in touch.”

I The British High Commission in Nigeria was contacted for comment but has yet to receive a reply.

Disciples: The Cult of Joshua T.B. is a three-part documentary on BBC iPlayer.It’s also available as a new season podcast on BBC Sounds secret world.