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IIt’s another banner day in the American republic’s ongoing experiment with gallows humor: The government is shut down, the lights are out — and yet there’s still a camera crew stationed in the West Wing to congratulate Donald Trump on peace in the Middle East.
But wait! It’s not just that. This is the entire cabinet today, a veritable carnival of over-cherished egos: JD Vance, who looks like a meme of himself every day (you know, He One); war daddy pete hegsethLil Marco (now back in favor); Christy “I’ll send your grandma to CECOT and kill your puppy when I get home” Noem; The most disappointing member of the Kennedy family; A former pro wrestling executive; And And much more.
Boy, did he have a lot to say about himself today! But let’s start with their Dear Leader Donald Jay, who is almost-probably a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, almost-probably King of America, and who cares if your veterans benefits are in your account or your local DMV is open because Kamala once called it a close election!
Unsurprisingly, Donald declared himself the architect of peace in the Middle East and also claimed that he was personally responsible for ending eight separate wars; This is par for the course. Unsurprisingly, he said the 2020 election was not real. Unsurprisingly, he called the government shutdown a “Democratic shutdown,” and unsurprisingly, he said that about Nancy Pelosi and AOC, since he’s been reviving that whole issue lately.
Also, surprisingly, he claimed his side is full of “high-IQ people,” as I hear mediocre high-IQ people always call themselves. And by the way, Russia wouldn’t have invaded Ukraine if he were president, and it’s “everyone’s transgender” these days and “we’re going to find American anarchists” who are “making pretty signs”.
We have become accustomed to such irregular words from Trump. We are also used to being told that it is okay because he speaks, but sensible people around him can mediate the message.
Except now people are getting smarter Targeted for writing Trump-critical memoir Or convicted by associationAnd those who are still in the room with him… well, he certainly spoke for himself today.
Shortly after the discussion about being the only Jewish state to reach a peace agreement with a well-known Muslim state, RFK Jr. took some time to claim that people who were circumcised as infants have “double the rate of autism” — and then linked it (presumably in his own head) to children being given Tylenol for the pain of the procedure. This may cause some sourness with Netanyahu, but stick with him!
JD Vance came up with a truly shocking claim that Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer is “one of the most famous Palestinians in the world.” No, it didn’t make sense in the context (the context was, still, the Middle East deal.)
On the surface, one might think that Schumer, the highest-ranking Jewish person in America’s elected history—who has written a well-respected book about anti-Semitism—might not be your first choice for “the most famous Palestinian in the world.” And to be honest, it seemed pretty awkward even for Vance, who is usually expected to play the straight man to Trump’s freewheeling, populist clown.
The fact that he’s making quotes like this shows just how far into decline the MAGA contingent has gone over the past few weeks. But then along came RFK – sorry, “Bobby” – to overtake him.
“This morning, before I got here, someone showed me a TikTok video of a woman who was eight months pregnant,” he told the gathered members of the current government. “She’s an associate professor at Columbia Medical School, and she’s saying ‘F Trump’ and swallowing Tylenol while keeping her baby in her placenta.” He actually said these words.
As a former pregnant woman who once swallowed Tylenol with her baby in the placenta, I should probably recuse myself from commenting on that particular story. But the fact that the Health Secretary is admitting that he spent several hours trading TikToks before the Cabinet meeting? Well, what else would you expect from a group of high-IQ individuals?
Amidst all this madness, there were a few short sentences worth noting. One was when Trump called protesters “degenerates.” This was a campaign misstep, given how famously Republicans ran Hillary Clinton’s similar “deplorable” comment in 2016. The second was when he referred to the 70,000 dead in Gaza as “retribution” from Hamas, and I think most of us can understand the appalling inhumanity in that.
Another standout moment was when Vance praised the President highly, even boasting about his real estate accomplishments, his celebrity fame, and his “personal touch.” Felt so… desperate.
What will we take from it, so soon ‘Antifa Roundtable’ which promised no repression of civil liberties and freedom of expression across the country From anti-fascists?
First, Vance, once seen as the natural 2028 pick and more buttoned-up foil for Trump, has been pushed into sycophancy at all costs. In his debate with Tim Walz, many people – including myself – were surprised by how well Vance performed. He proved himself to be a skilled speaker. That skill seems to have been lost in favor of keeping pace with the big leader.
Secondly, it is clearly no longer just the President who spends a significant portion of his time in the social media echo chamber: it has become a governing style for the entire Cabinet.
And third, decorum is out the window. The language that is understood is out the window. Everything It’s about flattering Trump and bowing to his worldview — which means that even when he’s clearly winning, the Republicans around him look increasingly ridiculous. What could have been a victory lap turned today into a display of smiles and nods while he made his way through the same, tedious talking points, with people asking if he’d had a cognitive evaluation recently.
Key Takeaways from the Sludge: Having brokered peace in the Middle East, Trump and his ragtag band of lovable misfits are now going to spend time dispatching rifle-toting National Guard to suppress a more dangerous enemy: the anti-fascist protesters (sorry, “degenerates”) of Portland, Oregon, and Chicago. And health care is only getting better under Trump, even though Marjorie Taylor Greene just went on CNN this morning and endorsed Obamacare.
And where is that Nobel Prize? If people don’t give him the award can we arrest him?
I’m pretty sure the public’s understanding of MTG is either the third or fourth horse of the apocalypse. So everyone, get ready – I hope you’ve consumed enough Tylenol to make it to midterms, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.