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wWhat hat makes a modern gentleman? Keeping doors open? Are you giving up your seat on the Tube in the middle of rush hour? Looking halfway decent in black tie? according to country Life Magazine, it’s a little harder than that. The beloved high-class publication has released its latest list of qualities, characteristics and behaviors that prove a man is a true gentleman, edited by… Etiquette Expert William Hanson.
Take a look at the magazine’s 39 suggestions and some of them make perfect sense. Punctuality, being happy to carry a woman’s handbag without any cringe of masculinity, and not including their dog’s name when they sign Christmas cards – these are all qualities worthy of appreciation (and rarer than you might think). And frankly, no matter how snobbish it may sound, I have to agree with Hanson’s declaration that a gentleman “doesn’t wear a tank top to the gym” (I might also have added that they don’t make obscene noises while bench pressing).
But some of these behaviors, at least to my unsophisticated eyes, are veering into “wicked” territory; These are the kinds of actions that seem calculated to fill observers with a sense of low-level despair. Does anyone really want to go to dinner with someone who “learns the waiters’ names and constantly uses them”, as if they just completed an inspiring Influencer Networking 101 course? Does the fervent belief that Roger Moore is the best 007 really show that you’re a gentleman at heart? Whenever men have strong opinions on James Bond, they come off like Alan Partridge (hardly an ambitious man).
To anyone who doesn’t live in a stately home or Belgravia townhouse, then, many of the green flags on the list will seem almost comically bizarre: apart from the references to Teslas, sabrina carpenter And for budget airlines, it sounds like something out of a 20th century etiquette handbook. This certainly doesn’t begin to grapple with some of the very rude behaviors that have become the norm due to dating apps and social media.
What rules should modern men follow? In fact Follow, then? The ones that matter in real life instead of period dramas? I have some suggestions: In my humble opinion, a proper gentleman is a man who…
Neither knows nor cares what his “love language” is
God save us from those who sincerely talk about “words of affirmation” and “acts of service”, thinking that they are very emotionally literate. I hate to break it to you, but you sound like a televangelist.
Realized that “having a car” is not a personality trait
No gentleman would ever get photographed next to the said car and then upload this photo on social media. And they certainly wouldn’t call an inanimate vehicle “he.”
Keeps quiet about his HighRocks ambitions
So do you want to spend your weekend doing burpees and pushing a weighted sled around a regional convention center so you can get another Highrocks personal best? He is alright. Actually, I appreciate you. Just please, please don’t burden everyone with all the (difficult) details.
Can write complex text without resorting to ChatGPT
Excessive use of long “em dashes” in your break-up message is a clear red flag. A proper gentleman doesn’t outsource his problems to some big language model; They are able to express emotions without recruiting AI bots.
Doesn’t use weaponized “therapy speak”
Going to therapy? Great. Understanding your feelings? Very good too. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to use empty sayings to rationalize bad behavior; It’s very rude to resort to clichés about “being in a bad situation” or “maintaining boundaries” instead of taking accountability.
Never share your life story on LinkedIn
While a networking site is a necessary evil of the modern world, this is not the place to vent about your deepest thoughts, what your least personal moment really taught you about B2B sales, or unveil your engagement photoshoot.
There are hobbies beyond the gym
All-round interests are great gentlemen; They definitely communicate better too. And, in reference to point three, Hyrox doesn’t count here. Not even CrossFit.
Can take care of house plants
I’m not suggesting that your home needs to be decorated with a rich array of exotic greenery to qualify as a gentleman. But let’s say, being able to take care of a monstera and the odd succulent plant seems like a good indicator that you’re a generally responsible person who, you know, has the ability to keep things alive.
Know about your partner’s friends
Taking a genuine interest in the people your partner cares about, rather than treating them as some kind of amorphous, collective annoyance, should be the baseline.
Not just airport self-help, but also read novels
country LifeThe list reveals that a gentleman “prefers Emma Woodhouse to Elizabeth Bennet, but secretly loves Rupert Campbell-Black”. This is wonderful in theory, but a bit unrealistic when large numbers of people abandon novels entirely in favor of self-optimizing themes like nuclear habitsBeing featured in some of the biggest fiction releases of the year is what makes a gentleman stand out.
produces less screen time
Doom scrolling? Are you loving the naff memes too much? Are you aware of the concept of “TikTok Trending Audio”? A true gentleman will never be; They know that being constantly offline is a much more attractive feature.
have a good skin care routine
This is 2025. Ridiculing anything beyond a splash of water and soap (or acting like it would be somehow “girly”) feels very retro.
never a ghost
This shouldn’t be obvious, but disappearing from someone’s life without explanation or warning is deeply, pathologically rude behavior. A short, simple message is always more gentlemanly than a gradual fade out.