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Each edition includes an in-depth explainer on one of the biggest tactical talking points of the week, as well as a few excerpts from other curiosities I’ve seen in recent matches. There’s also a Q&A section – your chance to reflect on whatever nonsense has been going on lately.
I’m not the patriotic type, but seeing Rory McIlroy being honored sports personality of the year To tell a bunch of American guys in almost exclusively pop-collar Ralph Lauren polos “Keep quiet, nonsense” It made me proud to be British. official line Did he win “The Masters”, which, in fairness, sounds pretty impressive, and he helped lead Europe to a monumental Ryder Cup win – but we’re not fools, are we?
The reason they included ‘personality’ in the title of the award itself is that part of the criteria is reflecting who you really are. Case in point: watching his wife get harassed by a group of investment-firm dudes who’ve been at Miller Lites since breakfast, and deciding to forget golf altogether and join ‘it’ with them, says a lot more about him as a player than just his ability to hit the ball with a stick.
I couldn’t possibly care less about golf, but I can tell you in almost forensic detail that at 9pm on Sunday, September 28, I was sitting on my couch yelling, “Hey, wake up, you!!!!” As soon as he made a 15 feet putt on the 14th hole. It’s not athletic achievement that does that to you – it’s personality. So, fair play to him.
However! As he was parading, let’s be real, one of the funniest-looking trophies on the planet, about 4,000 miles away in Saudi Arabia, something equally impressive was happening. Scott McTominay Fikayo Tomori was being physically restrained by his teammates from hitting him so hard that he would have physically burst. You see, it was a semi-final, and another semi-final napoli Victory will be achieved by keeping them within touching distance of more silverware.
You probably remember that last thing serie a The season ended with a shock Scudetto win for Antonio Conte’s outcast and broken toys team. Victor Osimhen’s dream of moving to a European giant did not come true, so he decided to take a gap year in Türkiye instead. Khvicha Kvaratskheliya did not leave that summer, but spent several months casting lustful glances at Paris until the transfer window re-opened in January. This left Conte in the job he desperately needed to go well after a poor end to his Tottenham tenure.
The main signing was Romelu Lukaku, who was thrilled to receive a full release clause despite a good season with Roma and Chelsea. Fourteen goals would not have won the league title, but the very next day another Premier League castoff arrived to sing for the club. Scott McTominay – once a half of midfield so tragically dull that Manchester United fans still thrill at the mention of “McFred” – now the end of 2025 has been immortalized in a series of Neapolitan wall murals. Instead of his old surname, they read McFratem (brother) and McTerminator (hard as steel springs).
Over the entire calendar year, he has ranked in the top 1 percent of midfielders scoring goals in Europe. His 0.36 non-penalty goals per 90 means he is scoring more than one goal every three games – only Phil Foden is ahead of him.
He takes a surprising number of touches in the box (3.2 per 90), beats defenders one-on-one compared to some of the continent’s elite wingers (2.37 per 90), and trails only Bruno Fernandes in the number of goalscoring opportunities (2.49 per 90). I wish I had coined the term ‘Diego Maradomini’, but napoli The fans beat me up for it.
As things stand they are two points off the top, but have already individually demolished league leaders Inter this season.
Marshalling his defence, as he likes to do, he plucks a loose ball out of the air and breaks the first line of pressure with ease with a single pass.
If he has the trademark, that’s what’s next. Using his pace from the edge of his own box, he chases the ball and passes every opponent who has not yet realized the trouble they are in.
He moves ahead of his midfield, ahead of his forwards, and before anyone knows it, he scores a goal. What happened next is so captivating that even a still image feels like it would spoil a work of art.
But it’s not even the best Scott McTominay goal you’ve seen recently. I have absolutely zero insight into why he connected his overhead kick against Denmark – beyond marveling at it since scoring a goal for probably the 200th time in a month.
Steve Clarke was already better at using them than all the Manchester United managers combined, but he cleverly took some cues from his time in Italy and encouraged him to get into these types of positions almost whenever he wanted.
To further illustrate ‘what Naples does with a midfielder’, on the left (below) is a seasonal heatmap of his final year in England. With a little bit of everything and yet somehow nothing, the 10 goals he scored off the slaughterhouse floor during Eric ten Hag’s tenure should have left the club fighting to keep him. On the right, given a clear identity and a permanent license to get into the box, they have been reborn as league champions.
But we’re not here to talk about statistics, are we? It’s about personality.
By his own admission, his time at Manchester United gave him a false identity as a player, and the identity he struggled to find on the pitch was reflected in who he was off the field.
Now he’s practically a living meme of what getting off Hell Island and moving to the continent can do for your personal brand. He’s met the Pope, drinks tiny cups of the strongest coffee, and is sitting front and center in his team’s open-top bus parade, a scarf tied around his head and a cigarette hanging casually from his mouth. La dolce vita, indeed.
I have to be responsible and say that smoking is bad – but at the same time, it might be the best smoke ever.
He was at Wimbledon this summer looking like a former classmate of James Bond, whose evil empire now owns every expensive watch. And Yacht in the western world.
And his crew that day? A skinny looking model who never says anything out loud? A bunch of hangers-on turn an entire day into ‘content’? No – just his mother.
if you want to win sports personality of the yearSo yes, okay, you need some kind of monumental sporting achievement. I would personally argue that winning serie aWinning Napoli’s Player of the Season, building the league’s best XI, and leading Scotland to their first World Cup in almost 30 years is great – but perhaps nothing can compare to… [googles “Lando Norris”]…Driving the fastest car in the fastest car sport.
But come on. Persona?! I can’t think of any other person on earth who has had a better 12 months to develop their identity. He has become the structural lynchpin of the Italian champions, watching Antony tiredly perform the ‘fidget spinner’ trick from a seat on the bench. And he’s done so at the same time as changing from Carhartt tracksuit bottoms to Armani suits. If you’re worried that this is an incredibly snobby observation, rest assured that I’m wearing one of those two things as I type this – and it’s no bullshit suit.
So yes, fair play Rory – the golf was really good this summer – but that’s not who you are. There is no one.
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