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Yeseven Disasters around the budgetYour party should have been thrilled. This remains his last three months of internal fightingBudgetary arguments and leadership disputes seem borderline competent.
Yet within moments of these aspiring leaders starting their first conference, the clown car began filling up. First, following rumors that the Socialist Workers Party was planning to disband, many members were expelled. Second, Jeremy Corbyn’s welcome speech ran late. Third, there was no sign of his co-leader Zarah Sultana. Fourth, it was later revealed that Sultana was boycott one’s own conference Fifth, due to the elimination of “faceless bureaucrats”. Your party was going to be renamed this weekend; It can stay that way so Sultana can yell it at Corbyn.
“We are here to do something dramatic – and I can say the hall looks absolutely fantastic – to establish a new socialist party in Britain,” Corbyn said, looking towards his angry audience. As an early bet for a new political party, it was like welcoming a bus full of spectators to a talk by the local WI. The hall was undecorated, with a few chairs and screens, but since the party founders had withheld their £800,000 donation, they probably had to save on bells and whistles. Given how many spectators were still wearing winter hats, they may have decided to keep the heating off as well.
Jeremy Corbyn is the star of your party, but he is not an entertaining speaker. Of course, Keir Starmer is no showman, unless he’s quipping at PMQs. But watching Corbyn speak is like watching your least public-facing school teacher walk out on speech day because everyone else has fallen victim to food poisoning.
“We have to come together and unite,” stand-in headmaster Corbyn said, glancing at the anoraks, “because division and division will not serve the interests of the people we seek to represent.” Meanwhile, Sultana was angrily briefing the press outside the conference hall. May the left never change!
The launch of your party – or our party, or the Popular Coalition, for many, or whatever name the 50,000 membership agrees upon – in Liverpool this weekend, if indeed that can happen, is seen as a chance to do something new, exciting, to send a rocket to the bottom of the ungrateful voting public. Instead, it is exactly that, which is quite ironic given Jeremy’s gripe about Labour’s bureaucracy. in the same breath as him Condemned “from top to bottom” As for his former party bureaucracy, he called for an elected executive, a one-member monitoring committee and a more non-bureaucratic bureaucracy. “I’ve thrown a lot of parties from top to bottom,” she said, while Sultana’s team revealed the party witch hunt. “I’ve spent my whole life in the Labor Party, mostly fighting the Labor Party bureaucracy. I don’t want to repeat that in your party. I don’t want to repeat that experience.” “And that will go in the handbook, too,” he said without turning a hair.
The stand-in teacher was also wearing his most rebellious jacket. There is a special kind of arrogance in dressing so poorly. I would say no woman would be that slutty, but then Sky News kept showing old pictures of Zara Sultana in a light blue blazer with a tortoise button, which didn’t help.
Clothes matter. It’s been 20 years since Meryl Streep wrote this the devil Wears PradaSo then, what does this blazer say, this lumpen, oversized monstrosity with its crinkled lapels? Is this the clothing equivalent of a burlap sack? Couldn’t there be anything better for the spectators who were clamoring to be there on a Saturday morning when they could have marched in support of something (a few mournful chants of “Free, Free Palestine” suggested they should have been there instead), How can one trust a man who can walk into a cupboard, face a shop and somehow decide that yes, this is okay,
Mind you, this attitude extended to the rest of Corbyn’s speech. You would have thought that after 10 years of watching Nigel Farage get away with sartorial murder, Corbyn and his team would know what works. Surely someone in the crowd of people, whom he thanked at the beginning, might have inspired him to Zohran Mamdani’s mayoral campaign In New York, or Zach Polanski’s campaign for the Greens.
Oh yes, Polanski. While Corbyn is focused on two-party opposition and your party is celebrating 50,000 members, the Greens – previously the most incompetent party this side of Monster Raving Loonies – have reached 170,000 members, making it the largest party. Third largest party in BritainThis week, the Greens released a new slogan: Hope is here, linked to the rarest of animals, an entertaining political party broadcast, Polanski has also shown himself to be steadfast, humanitarian, and an excellent speaker – exactly the kind of qualities your party should be concerned about,
Instead, like a latter-day Ron Burgundy, reading anything from AutoQ, including incorrect punctuation, Corbyn said: “What has happened to our humanity in our society, where it has become routine to label people fleeing environmental disaster enemies? Threats? Tomorrow?” Establishing that “yesterday” was something the right wing did not label migrants as, Corbyn got back on track. “Tomorrow, they will be our doctors. Tomorrow, they will be our teachers. Tomorrow, they will be our train drivers.” Yesterday, yesterday and tomorrow, one has to crawl into this petty mess of listening to Jeremy Corbyn read aloud.
Corbyn is steeped in the left-wing conservatism of the seventies and eighties, and in fact, this speech was born out of muse. There was no overarching message to motivate the crowd, let alone appeal to potential swing voters at home. Instead, we had a whole dusty packet full of every problem from the environment, education, council housing, the massacre in Gaza and rent control to the privatization of the water industry. All nutritious, but delivered in such a deeply fibrous manner that there was nothing for the taste buds or the potential swing voter.
Are we allowed to do anything tasty in politics again, or will we all just have to suck it up and suffer? As Corbyn’s eyebrows drew together along with his crinkled lapels, the answer was clear. Not that we have to worry about it. Your party collapsed on the very first day.