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‘My ex stole my benefits and took control of my medication. ‘It took me years to escape’

Web Desk, 12/10/2025

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No privacy online, monitoring at home and no control over her money or medical appointments – that was it. reality of life For a woman who endured years of abuse from her partner through technology,

He is one of a growing number of people with disabilities leading charity asylum Say who is facing the “devastating” impact of technological convenience domestic abuse,

Sarah, who is a wheelchair user in her forties and has changed her name for safety reasons, was relying on her then partner for help with her ongoing medical needs, but instead “persistently” abused,

“I had no privacy at all,” he said. Independent“He had access to all my accounts, my bank account – everything.

“The worst thing was he canceled my hospital appointments, he would tell the hospital I was so bad, it wasn’t true, but he wouldn’t let me do it. Then I would have to wait months to be seen.”

Sarah found herself constantly monitored, with control of her benefits and hospital appointments handed over to her abuser (stock image)

Sarah found herself constantly monitored, with control of her benefits and hospital appointments handed over to her abuser (stock image) ,getty images,

Using her phone and home smart devices, he monitored her activities, calls and interactions with others. His access to her media accounts, emails and online banking gave her no privacy.

She said her use of technology put her health at risk, as it intercepted messages and emails from her GP and hospital through the NHS app, often canceled her appointments without her consent and restricted her access to medication.

Sarah added, “He took control of my medications, making sure I would forget to take them, even though they were in boxes labeled with dates.”

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“Now I’m able to take them without any problems. Then he kept telling me I took my pain medicine – I knew full well I didn’t. But he did it because he liked seeing me in pain. It was constant.”

Sarah was financially trapped, as her benefits and disability payments were also redirected to her abuser’s account. She had no money for any essential items, including toiletries, and there was often no food in the house.

“I was very embarrassed, there was never enough food in the house or even shampoo to wash my hair,” she said. “Then he’ll call me names and put me down.”

Sarah was financially trapped, as her benefits and disability payments were also redirected to her abuser's account (stock image)

Sarah was financially trapped, as her benefits and disability payments were also redirected to her abuser’s account (stock image) ,getty images,

After suffering years of abuse, she arrived at Refuge and was allocated someone to support her. Sarah was able to call a helpline on a specific device, where she was connected to adult social care. After she was moved into supported living, she was able to regain control of her finances and set up new secure accounts.

She said: “Thank God I mustered the courage to call for help, it took me so long to call, I wish I had done it sooner. The support has been so incredible.”

Emma Pickering, head of the technology-facilitated abuse and economic empowerment team at Refuge, said the current “epidemic” of violence against women and girls (VAWG) is increasingly mediated through technology.

His team has seen a 205 percent increase in referrals over six years, which he says “represents the tip of the iceberg”.

“This is having a devastating impact on survivors with disabilities, who are uniquely affected by technological and economic abuse, often with serious consequences for their mental health,” she said.

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“By taking advantage of a survivor’s disability, perpetrators may have greater opportunities to exert coercive control. In addition to other lethal behaviors, we have heard of perpetrators abusing their role as caregiver by weaponizing technology.”

Refuge said the current epidemic of violence against women and girls is increasingly mediated through technology (stock image)

Refuge said the current epidemic of violence against women and girls is increasingly mediated through technology (stock image) ,CP/S.,

She said the team has seen examples in which abusers have accessed online banking platforms to steal a survivor’s personal money and state benefits, used medical technology such as health tracking apps for monitoring purposes, and prevented survivors from attending medical appointments by taking control of their NHS apps.

Economic abuse is another significant issue faced by disabled survivors, with the team often reporting problems relating to joint bank accounts – such as survivors not having access to bank cards, never being allowed to see bank statements, and in some cases, having debts put in their names.

She said: “For many disabled survivors, adaptive home technologies are a lifeline – yet they can be misused by abusers, who may take away this vital technology to further isolate and control the survivor.”

Ms Pickering urged the Government to ensure that the upcoming VAWG strategy “sets out a comprehensive framework to tackle technological abuse, with policy solutions designed in consultation with survivors”.

A Home Office spokesperson said: “Tackling VAWG in all its forms, including whether it occurs online or is facilitated by technology, is a top priority for this Government.

“The VAWG strategy will set the strategic direction and concrete action to meet the government’s ambition to halve VAWG over a decade, and will include measures to tackle online and technology-facilitated VAWG.”

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You can read Refuge’s full report on tech-enabled abuse Here,

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline provides support for women on 0808 2000 247, or you can visit asylum Website. one is dedicated men’s advice line On 0808 8010 327.

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