Make your phone less distracting: Why you should stop texting your kids at school

Virginia high school teacher Joe Clement recorded text messages from parents to students in his economics and government class:

—“What did you get from your test?”

— “Did you sign the site visit form?”

— “Would you like chicken or a burger for dinner tonight?”

Clement pleads with parents: Stop texting your kids at school.

Parents are distressingly aware of the distractions and mental health issues caused by smartphones and social media. But teachers say parents may not realize how serious these struggles are in schools.

One of the culprits? Moms and dads themselves, whose stream-of-consciousness issues exacerbate the constant interruptions and distractions in learning. Even if mobile phone use is regulated or banned in schools, it can be difficult for teachers to enforce it. Whether kids are peeking or not, the constant buzz from watches and phones takes up critical brain space.

Some changes in parent behavior can help reduce cell phone distractions in school. Here’s advice from teachers and experts.

Try this: Stop texting your kids at school

Many parents keep in touch with their children through texting, but school is a place to focus on learning and developing independence. Teachers say you can still contact your child if your plans change or a family emergency occurs: Just contact the front desk.

If the message is not urgent, it may be possible to wait.

Think of it this way: “If you came to school and said, ‘Can you get my kid to give up calculus so I can tell them something unimportant?’ we would say no,” says Erin, a school counselor in central Virginia. Rettig said.

Teachers stress they’re not saying parents are to blame for the school’s cell phone wars, but that parents can do more to help. For example, tell your kids not to text home unless it’s urgent. If they do, ignore it.

“When your child texts you and says something that can wait, like, ‘Can I go to Brett’s house in five days?’ — don’t respond,” says Sabine Polak, One of three mothers who co-founded the Phone-Free Schools Movement. “You have to stop participating. It will only exacerbate the problem.”

Reduce power cords from 8 to 3

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many parents are accustomed to maintaining constant contact while their children attend online school at home. They have maintained this communication as life has returned to normal.

“We call it the digital umbilical cord. Parents can’t let go. They need to,” Clement said.

Parents may not want their children to respond to text messages right away (although many do). But when students pull out their phones to respond, it opens the door to other social media distractions.

Express anxiety through text messages

At a parent workshop, Rettig, a Virginia school counselor, told parents that they are exacerbating children’s anxiety by sending daily messages, tracking their children’s whereabouts and checking grades, which does not give children the space to be independent in school.

Some teachers said they received emails from parents immediately after returning to grade exams before the end of class because children felt the need (or were told) to report results to their parents immediately.

Dr. Libby Milkovich, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at Children’s Mercy Kansas City, said she asks parents to think about what children are missing out on by having their parents around during the school day.

“Children are not practicing self-calming or problem-solving skills by texting back and forth with their parents,” Milkovich said. “Texting is easy, but if I don’t have a phone, I have to ask the teacher, or I have to figure it out on my own.”

Some children who oppose cell phone bans in schools say it’s helpful to contact their parents when they feel anxious or worried at school. For severely anxious children who are used to texting their parents for comfort, Milkovich recommends gradual limits so that the child can gradually practice becoming more independent. She urges parents to ask themselves: Why does my child need to use a cell phone so much?

“Parents often say, ‘I want to be able to contact my child at all times,’ and it has nothing to do with the child’s outcome. It’s because of the parent’s anxiety,” she said.

take that old phone

Beth Black, a high school English teacher in the San Francisco Bay Area, recommends that parents consider confiscating their children’s old cellphones.

Her school requires students to put their phones in special phone holders when they enter the classroom. But she saw students hiding old cellphones there and keeping the ones that worked.

Like many teachers, she said cell phones aren’t the only problem. There is also the issue of headphones.

“Forty percent of my students walk into class wearing at least one earbud,” Black said. “The kids will set their phones in the cradle to music, and then they’ll listen to the music in one earbud during class.”

Turn off notifications

Parents’ control over words can only go so far. So work with your kids to turn off some or all attention-stealing notifications.

To demonstrate how distracting smartphones can be, Clement conducted a classroom experiment in which he asked students to silence their phones and turn on notifications for two minutes.

“It sounded like an old video arcade — buzzing, buzzing, clanking for a good two minutes,” he said.

Many studies have found that students frequently check their phones during class. A study last year by Common Sense Media found that teens are bombarded with as many as 237 notifications every day. About 25% of these came while in school, mostly from friends on social media.

“Whenever our attention is interrupted, it takes a huge amount of brainpower and energy to get back on task,” says Emily Cherkin, a teacher-turned-consultant in Seattle who specializes in screen time management. Cherkin said.

Teachers say the best school cell phone policy is to keep kids away from their phones. Otherwise it will be difficult to compete.

“When the phone vibrates in their pocket, their attention is focused on their pocket. They want to know, ‘How do I get this on the table? How do I check it?'” Randy, a high school chemistry teacher in upstate New York. Randy Freiman said. “You ask them a question and they don’t hear a word you say. Their brain is somewhere else.”

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