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rightebecca Visser, 36, content creator and stay-at-home mom from California, Permanent severance She and her mother blocked her on social media and her phone about three years ago, but she has no plan overturn decision. It’s not something she takes lightly. “Adult children don’t suddenly lose touch,” Visser told us independent. “It’s something that just keeps building up, and once they do that – nine times out of 10 – that’s a last resort. If they’re not going to have any more contact, maybe it’s time to see the parents and then make a decision.” Not necessarily a child“.
It’s a dilemma that’s been making headlines recently reported divide Brooklyn Beckham, 26, and his famous parents, Football icon David and former Spice Girl turned designer Victoria. Responding to reports last month that Brooklyn’s parents unfollowed their estranged son on Instagram, Brooklyn’s 20-year-old brother, Cruz, claimed that it was actually Brooklyn who blocked Bosh and Becks. “My mom and dad will never unfollow their sons…let’s get the facts straight. They wake up blocked…just like me,” he wrote. Days later, the Beckhams celebrated Christmas with their children Cruz, 23, Romeo, and Harper, 14, while Brooklyn was in Miami with his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham 31, along with her billionaire parents Claudia and Nelson Peltz.
The reasons for Brooklyn’s estrangement from her parents are reportedly still kept under wraps, but no two decisions to cut ties with the family are alike. For Visser, the turning point came in her twenties when she said she tried to talk to her mother about the abuse she suffered as a child, involving her mother and stepfather. According to Visser, her mother was unwilling to admit to the charges.
By 2023, Visser, now married with a three-year-old son, said she had accepted that her mother would never be held accountable for the alleged abuse. She sent her one final email, telling her, “I can’t contact you until things change. I just know those changes aren’t going to happen.” Visser said the defining moment came when the dynamic began to affect her own family. “When I brought up things about adulthood and childhood, my mother would drive me crazy and say none of this ever happened. At one point, I started seeing her do it in front of my son and husband, and I said, ‘I’m going to stop this.'”
Visser said her stress and anxiety levels have dropped significantly since cutting off contact with her mom, making her a better mom. “My first year of motherhood, especially postpartum, was very stressful because of my mother’s abuse. Now that I don’t have that, it gives me a better ability to focus on my son,” she said. “As the last two years have gone by, it’s become more and more obvious that this was the best decision I could have made.”
Similarly, Annie Emerson, 31, said her mother struggled to accept responsibility for her actions. A Georgia hospice nurse says things came to a head after she tried to confront her mother about her strict parenting style, which she said was shaped by the belief that “children should be seen and not heard.” According to Emerson, her mother simply accused her of misremembering her childhood.
Although the two had been arguing for more than a decade, Emerson said one incident was the straw that broke the camel’s back: Her mother put Emerson’s 2-year-old daughter on her step-grandfather’s lap in the front seat of the car. “My husband and I learned she didn’t have her car seat with her,” the mother of two said. “She purposely kept this from us until she drove our daughter back. When we said, ‘Hey, we’re not happy with this,’ she essentially said, ‘Well, you guys are being ridiculous and making a mountain out of a molehill. This isn’t a big deal.'”
Emerson said she had no choice but to end her relationship with her mother because her mother failed to take responsibility for her actions. Just four months later, she says the decision has changed her life for the better. “I’m very at peace right now. I have a great support system from my husband, close friends and my in-laws,” she said. “I’m grateful that I can be myself. For a long time, I did a lot of withdrawing from my mother and trying to maintain a relationship with her.”
For many of us who are close to our parents, the decision to cut ties with our parents may seem difficult to understand. Ariel Rae, a 29-year-old marketing agency co-founder from New Jersey, made the choice a year ago and hasn’t spoken to her mother since. However, she said she has grown accustomed to acquaintances describing the estrangement as “sad.” “If you don’t accept it or don’t understand it, that’s okay,” she said. “I’m grateful you’ve never experienced this level of pain. But I know this is the right decision I have to make so I can heal myself, function in society and relationships, and grow as an adult.”
Ray said her relationship with her mother was fraught throughout her childhood, with frequent conflicts and comments eroding her self-esteem. Her mother struggled with alcoholism and displayed narcissistic behavior, often denying or not remembering hurtful things she said. Instead, Ray said, her mother would pass the blame onto her, calling her a “bad daughter.”
She realized that no matter how much she begged her mother to apologize, she would never get one. This brings up a hard truth: the relationship is no longer worth having. Ray sent a final farewell text and then blocked her mother’s phone number. She says profound changes have occurred since the relationship ended. “I feel happy and look my best in front of my friends, family and boyfriend,” she explained. “I used to like to put my emotions out there and hope someone else would regulate them, which is not the way to be an adult. If I get emotional, I can now start talking to myself, I can start saying it out loud to myself, and it calms me down. Without my mother, my negative self-talk stopped because she was the source of those emotions.”
Nothing can take away the feeling of loss that comes with being cut off from your parents. On difficult days, Emerson allowed himself to grieve. “I also remind myself that the maternal love I miss is not actually the love that my mother has given me and is not capable of giving me. I think it is just the deep desire of a child to be loved by his parents.”
Today, Rey, Emerson, and Visser all regret keeping their mother out of their lives. They are letting go of resentments and disappointments that once felt out of control. “Sometimes I weirdly see some women who look like her and it makes me feel pity or sadness. Like, ‘Oh, maybe she’s doing better,'” Ray said. “I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’m so grateful for it that it makes me not hold so much anger toward her anymore.” I have healed a lot of inner turmoil. “
Visser sympathized with Brooklyn, saying, “Your parents may have all the money in the world, but if they treat you badly, you don’t have to stay in touch with them.”