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wattWhen a couple first announces their engagement, their first reaction (that everything is fine) is mostly “congratulations.” But the next words out of the well-wisher’s mouth are often more logical: “So, when is wedding? “Historically, you can bet the answer to this question will be found within a year or 16 months of release. proposal. But, these days, ceremonies can be years away from the day when loved ones get down on one knee.
Jody Watkins and Nicholas Brucculeri, a couple living in Los Angeles, have been engaged for so long that they even celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary with a party right up until they walked down the aisle (the midpoint of their marriage). got engaged) rather than simply hosting the wedding itself. “We got to enjoy our engagement time together,” the bride-to-be told the outlet. new york times The celebration is known as the Minus One or Minus One anniversary party.
Of course, two or even three years is nothing compared to the long-term engagements of celebrities who have made headlines before: Jean Todt and Michelle Yeoh were engaged for nearly two decades. It took Amy Adams and Darren LeGallo seven years to walk down the aisle. Meanwhile, Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry, who had a son in 2020 and got engaged in 2019, split last June after getting engaged in 2019 and now (bizarrely) with former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
While that’s not to say that all extended engagements end in disaster, this move beyond celebrities does mark a notable shift in how and why we get married today. Wedding planner and host says it’s a big change Let’s get married! Podcaster Hannah Rose People get married later. In the UK, the age of marriage has been rising steadily since the 1970s, with British media reporting that in 1972 the media age was 25 for men and 23 for women. ONS. By 2023, this number had increased to nearly 35 men and 33 women – a staggering increase in 10 years.
“When people get engaged at an older age, they tend to want to start a family as quickly as possible, so they focus on having children and buying a house,” Ross said of the biological clock above our heads. “Even 10 years ago, it was the norm to meet someone young and start having kids, but things have definitely changed now,” she added. Now there’s the baby, then there’s the wedding, the proposal and a big diamond ring signifying enough commitment for one to hitch a ride on the other. “We rarely see people in their early twenties these days,” she added. “In fact, if we did meet a couple this age, we’d think, ‘Oh, they’re young.'”
Cameron and Jesse, a 30-year-old couple who have been engaged for less than two years and have welcomed their first child, Phillip, won’t be getting married any time soon. “If we’re lucky, we might want to have three or four kids,” Cameron explained, adding that they’d like “a little gap” between each child. “This forces us to start immediately,” he said. “Jess doesn’t want to be pregnant or have kids when we get married. She just wants to have a drink, enjoy the day and look beautiful. She’s going to look beautiful whether she’s pregnant or not,” he added. “But she wants to be able to enjoy it.”
Of course, money is another obstacle, as the average wedding Expected to cost £32,000 by 2028. “Once people start getting involved, they actually start to realize how much things cost,” Ross said. “Getting married isn’t cheap. So if they don’t get married for a few years, people often throw an engagement party because they now want to celebrate with friends and family, Then Save money well. ”
That’s the case with Cameron and Jesse. “We thought we were going to get married shortly after we got engaged, then we looked at the cost of the wedding we wanted and quickly discovered we couldn’t have the wedding we wanted,” Cameron explains. “We don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married. We want to enjoy the day and have the wedding we want with all our friends and family around us.” In theory, this should be a reasonable enough request.
Another sticking point is being too busy at work to deal with wedding planning executives. Research Research shows that wedding planning among heterosexual couples falls disproportionately on women — “another form of unpaid and unappreciated female work, not unlike housework,” the study published in qualitative sociology read. Now with a woman More than men in college-educated workforceyou do the math.
“Sometimes couples come to me who have been engaged for a year and have money to book a wedding but nothing has been done,” Ross said. “They’re often very strong professionals with great careers who just don’t have time to plan or even think about what they want. It’s time — people don’t have time.”
Young financial professionals Emma and James, who have been engaged since September 2024, have yet to set a wedding date. “In London we work from 8am to 6pm every day and it takes an hour to commute home, so we’re out and about from 7am to 7pm every day,” Emma said. “When we get home, all we want to do is hang out on the couch. Even cooking is an ordeal. By the time you’re done eating, the day is gone. It definitely makes wedding planning a lot harder.”
In addition to time scarcity, we live in an age of choice overload, which leaves everyone paralyzed by choice. “We do notice that in the wedding industry, decisions are taking longer now,” Ross said. “People are sitting on things, going on TikTok, Instagram, looking at other options and reviews. Whereas ten years ago you would go to a wedding show, meet the photographer and book. That’s not really a thing anymore. People don’t have the time. Yet, they want to research.”
Emma has fallen victim to this overwhelming decision fatigue. “In hindsight, I wish I had hired a wedding planner,” she said. “At the time, I thought, ‘That’s £6,000 I don’t need to spend’, but now I realize it’s a fraction of how much a wedding costs.” So far, the couple have looked at venues in Italy, Spain, Portugal and South Africa. Emma said: “The amount of choice is incredible and then trying to figure out the price of each one is an absolute nightmare.”
“No website can tell you the price of anything,” she complains about the cryptic approach to costs. “You ask, you get a brochure, you slog through it, only to find out that everything costs more than you’ve ever spent on anything. Even a standard videographer is £3,500 – that’s more than any holiday I’ve ever been on. It was the most frustrating experience ever.”
Licensed relationship coach and therapist Jaime Bronstein I have mixed feelings about how long it now takes for couples to get married after proposing. “If you know the ‘why’ of a long-term engagement, and you’re clear about it and move on, then everything is fine,” she says. “But if you’re stuck and you don’t have any plan and you’re in this limbo and you’re not sure what’s going on, then there’s no point in extending it… That’s the fear.”
Bronstein noted that while work and family life may be legitimate reasons for some, for others it’s just an excuse. “Be really open to each other,” she said. “It’s like a guy saying he doesn’t text a girl back because he’s ‘too busy at work.’ Work doesn’t change. Just like dating or working out: Any time you say you don’t have time for something in your life, that’s not true. You have to be honest with yourself.”