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JFriend Ryan Criticized online for an insensitive Christmas post that set “unrealistic expectations” for new mums Made in Chelsea Star talks about his ‘superwoman’ wife, sofordJust three weeks postpartum created “a magical Christmas”.
In an Instagram video set to Kelly Clarkson’s “Wish Yourself a Merry Christmas,” Lane, whose podcast wife Habboo, 31, gave birth to the couple’s son Ziggy earlier this month, can be seen dancing a little jig around a perfectly decorated festive table and taking pride in her performance.
While most of us might be feeling like death is rising at three weeks postpartum—I was limping around after a C-section, looking grubby in my maternity leggings, and slumped on the couch—Harb, in a red wrap sweater and silky black trousers, looked like a carefree, charming hostess about to host a large lunch party.
There was a striking Christmas tree with a giant red bow, and someone was preparing food in the background. Maybe a chef? Lane, 37, captioned the post “POV: Your wife is three weeks postpartum and still creates a magical Christmas,” followed by “She is superwoman.”
This caused an uproar, with ever-adoring fans criticizing the perfect motherhood scene as “not normal” and a “typical IG moment” that only shows the best parts of motherhood and therefore puts “pressure” on new mothers. “Sadly to me this is just trying to please people instead of prioritizing healing and real connection,” one follower commented. Others, meanwhile, said “let’s not think of postpartum women as ‘superwomen’, that’s not normal” and that “not everyone has the funds, resources and support to do that”.
Yes, Laing and Habboo likely had outside help from caterers or other paid professionals, which could include table decorators, cleaners, gardeners and hired nannies, as many disgruntled followers online were quick to point out. But let’s take a moment to understand the real reason for all the hate.
Of course, IG moments like this can trigger the dreaded “comparison and despair” and “mom shame.” This seems like performance parenting at its worst, but it’s not Lane and Hubb’s fault, it’s the fault of the internet and the climate it fosters.
Hating all the moms who put on a perfect Christmas is just as bad as the judgment they send to other moms who feel like they’re not living up to unrealistic standards. Moms can’t win. They are either “showing off” their perfect offspring, or they are seen as taking advantage of all this hardship to “make money.”
Hatred against moms—no matter what flavor they are—is out of control, with new moms, veteran moms, celebrity moms, and Josephine public moms being judged online like never before. From work-life balance to parenting, from body image to breastfeeding, we all get criticized. Women are accused of pushing “unrealistic” backlash narratives or not rebounding as quickly as they should. How moms spend Christmas — whether with newborns, toddlers or teenagers — has become a seasonal hotbed of harsh judgment this year.
Social media creates an atmosphere where moms are perpetually defeated, even when they look like winners. Yes, while many of us may want to give up after seeing Hubb’s Christmas Miracle expression, we also know it’s a fantasy that doesn’t exist.
I’m also guilty of posting perfect Instagram posts about my kids that look like they came straight out of a Mini Boden commercial. Personally, three weeks postpartum, I had no idea what day of the week it was. Granted, it wasn’t Christmas, it was Easter, and I was seven years old at the time, so the pressure to hunt for magical Easter eggs and decorate the house with a bunny theme wasn’t as intense. But if it makes any new moms feel any better, seven years have passed and I didn’t get around to putting up a Christmas tree this year because we all had the superflu.
But do I hate the “superwoman” image Hubb presents? Not really, because I think the real question is, why do we feel the need to present this perfect image of ourselves to the world in the first place?
Mom-hate is out of control, with moms being judged online like never before for everything from work-life balance to parenting, struggles with expressing themselves, and body image.
In my case, there’s an element of thinking it’s important to look perfect that stems from my upbringing, as I was conditioned to believe that how we look, and even how thin we are, equals self-worth. Luckily, I addressed this with the help of a therapist rather than an Instagram account.
Other mothers are proud of how well they are doing as parents and use social media to confirm this to themselves and boost their confidence. For celebrities like Laing and Habboo, it’s important to grow their brands.
Moms like Hubb, who are accused of projecting a perfect image of motherhood, have no obligation to address the rest of our insecurities and make sure all moms feel good about themselves. They invest in their careers by professionalizing motherhood—and we should see it for what it is.
Laing and Habboo are documenting their new journey into parenthood via their renamed podcast, almost parentsand are preparing to chronicle their “unbridled whirlwind journey” into parenthood in an upcoming Disney+ series, Developing Chelsea. Essentially, they are leveraging their reality TV background to enter a new media venture that I believe will guarantee them revenue for some time to come.
For new moms, the pressure to be perfect through a filtered and curated lens is immense. As we’ve seen with the traditional wife trend, this pressure will continue for years to come. It’s ironic how, in real life, society underestimates the role of motherhood and generally looks down on stay-at-home moms.
No wonder women are confused about what to do and how to behave. A lack of support for new parents leads them to online forums, which, while they can offer support, can also be a den of vipers, filled with vitriolic, unfiltered comments from people who also derive pleasure from judging the choices of others.
So what if Habboo had a great Christmas and had more support at his fingertips? I have no doubt that one day she will feel overwhelmed and, like other moms, question herself as a new parent. Ziggy needs diaper changes and demands to be fed. She would feel the pull between work and motherhood.
The internet needs a huge change – stop judging others and live together and let others live. Every new mom struggles in her own way—and hating moms is worse than their actions to offend you online.