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I am Happen dinner with some Friend – Guys, I’ve known for a very long time – but I’m in a position to worry about it. I’m stressing about the menu and whether the food will be “good” enough for them; I’m nervous about showing off my tiny flat – which is beautiful and cozy, but not exactly a palace – and I’m worried I won’t be a good host.
They all earn more than me and are accustomed to the “finer” things in life – but I have no idea which wine to buy And stuff like that I don’t even have matching plates! I’m very worried that I won’t measure up. Honestly, this is bothering me so much that I’m losing sleep.
I really want to impress themBut I’m so nervous I’ll miss. The worst case scenario is that they tease me and criticize me and laugh at me and then talk about me behind my back. Please help.
anxious host
Dear Concerned Host,
Don’t worry: to tackle some of the more rational elements of your letter, I’ve linked some expert recommendations above – ranging from the best Christmas wines, from a quality £6 bottle to a delicious £40 treat. How to Host a Stress-Free Dinner Party For friends and loved ones.
wine list This should (hopefully) enable you to choose something that’s within your budget and can impress everyone – while also offering practical tips for keeping things worry-free (by choosing something familiar to cook so you don’t do Bridget Jones and end up with bright blue soup, so everyone can join in and help). I really hope these will be of some practical use to you.
But I want to shed a little light on other parts of your letter – namely, Your friends. I can’t help but wonder: If you’re so worried and upset about your friends teasing you, judging you, laughing at you, and talking behind your back, then why are they your friends?
I can’t tell whether you think there’s a legitimate risk of them reacting this way and whether they’ve got a way to act that way, or is it your own Worry Making you irrationally afraid – but I would gently say that real friends really shouldn’t do this to you.
And forget their high incomes, their taste for the “finer” things in life… half the time people living that kind of lifestyle are in pain simple, home-cooked meals With the people they love. Try and remember this: They’re coming For You, because they care about you – not because they’re expecting fancy china.
Sometimes Our best friends definitely roast us – I get this a lot with me! But I think there’s a difference between humorous, good-natured flirting, which our partners feel completely comfortable with when we have them – and a difference between being cruel.
I think the only way to deal with this is to be honest. If a friend of yours says something that hurts you and feels inappropriate, please try saying it out loud – as it is In moment. Cooking food while sitting on it is always bad, as it manifests as resentment. And then one day, when everyone else has forgotten what was said, you can bring it up in a more explosive way than if you had brought it up on the spot.
You don’t have to be aggressive in this and don’t turn it into a big conflict. Sometimes it is easier to reflect this in the form of a question, for example: “Oh, really? Why do you say that?” – the effect of which should make the person feel that they have come a long way. Or, I’m a firm fan of simply stating how you feel: “I really don’t like it when you say that” always works. Or: “This hurts my feelings.”
I can almost guarantee that if you tell the truth about something that hurt, the person will be filled with remorse and forgiveness. Standing up for yourself is a good thing. It is powerful.
But if your friends are behaving really toxic that is making you feel stressed and anxious, you may need to think about Do they deserve an invitation? In first place. it Help may be available.
Do you have a concern you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Wicks? Issues related to love, relationships, family and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk