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Dear Vix,
A close friend of mine was dating someone for a few months – nothing big, nothing serious – and then she ended it, because she didn’t feel they were compatible long term. They are very different: He is an introvert, He is an extrovert. He likes quiet nights in, he likes going out clubbing. I can see how he came to this conclusion.
My friend wasn’t that upset about it – she also said she didn’t think they had a future together; that it was just A short-term, fun fling. She is already dating someone else with whom she seems more comfortable. she looks happy.
The problem is: When I first met her ex-boyfriend, I was extremely attracted to him – And we were so friendly! I couldn’t believe that she had met someone suitable (for me) and I will admit that I was quite jealous. But, seeing as he was dating my friend, I put him out of my mind… until a few weeks ago.
we met each other at an event the spark was definitely there – Nothing happened, but now I feel very guilty. He asked for my number and yes, I confess: I gave it to him. Since then, we’ve been talking a lot and he asked me if I wanted to meet up – but I keep hesitating and putting off answering because I don’t know what to do.
Is it ever okay to date your friend’s ex-boyfriend, even if it’s “not that deep”? I know you’ll probably ask him to talk to him about it, but people are weird about things like this. I don’t want to take risks Putting our friendship in danger.
fear of missing a good thing
dear scared,
I understand why you feel so nervous about this strange situation. You obviously care a lot about your friend and are putting him or her first – right, because I’ll always remind people that nine times out of ten, friendships last much longer than a romantic relationship (with the exception of dating). the love of your lifeAbsolutely).
In fact, I often reflect on the fact that, especially for women, Our friends can be our most romantic companions. Who else is there to support you when you’re sad or unwell, who will drop everything to take care of you when your heart is broken, who (in fact, in the case of my friend Dayna) will drive to your door every morning to leave a coffee and a croissant when you’re going through something difficult? Very rarely, with very few exceptions, I would take a tough stance: keep the friend, forget the guy. and yet.
In your situation, things are not at all clear. I’m saying this because on the surface, at least, your friend doesn’t seem special. Heartbroken by her break-up – The way you’re telling it, things didn’t really go below surface-level between them. It’s completely plausible that she might turn around and tell you to “fill your responsibilities and have fun with her”.
But the thing is: you don’t do that Know How does she feel about it, because you haven’t asked her. And as a result, you’re making a lot of assumptions (and, possibly, overthinking or overreacting, based on your own concerns around losing a friend). Talk to him. Bring up the guy you like, say: “Hey, here’s something fun. I recently met XX – and he asked for my number!”
See how she reacts. Look how crushed she is (or not). I think you’ll be able to tell quickly if he’s upset; She may also enjoy the possibilities of romance for you – especially if she has already moved on. and happy with someone elseIf you need to be more specific than that, for your own peace of mind, you can add this: “How would you feel if I met her?” – And then listen to him.
Even if she says she doesn’t like the idea, you still have a choice. She is your friend, yes, But dating is hard. It can be difficult to find someone with whom you feel that elusive “spark” and who you feel is a good fit or suitable for you in the long run.
You may choose to tough it out, telling her that she has moved on – that they weren’t compatible anyway; That he had said so from the beginning. whatever possessiveness or jealousy Or simple, human feelings of being “outed” because it feels like he’s choosing someone else, chances are, if she didn’t love him (which it sounds like she didn’t), she’d get over it. You may have to take just a little time to lick her wounds, but she will come around.
I’m willing to bet that your friendship means more to her than any man’s.
Do you have a concern you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Wicks? Issues related to love, relationships, family and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk