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I’m feeling tired and upset with the person I love most in the world – My teenage son. Every day, he wants something – and if he doesn’t get his way, he makes my life hell.
Over the past few weeks, he has:
- I was ignored for three days in a row because I asked him to go on a family trip to meet relatives
- threw an absolute kicking and screaming in anger About having extra soccer practice (he also destroyed some furniture)
- He continued to attack me because he Wanted to invite my friends to my house, While I already had plans
- When I told him to turn off the computer and go to bed, he started screaming and crying, then he closed his door
- Keep talking about how he wants us get a dog, Without listening when I said I didn’t want a dog… etc.
These examples may seem silly and “everyday”, but they’re really frustrating me. I feel stressed and anxious all the timeIt’s gotten to the point where yesterday, I was dreading his coming home from school because I couldn’t face another argument with him. homework,
The strange thing is that he is not a monster empathyIn many ways, he’s exceptionally intuitive for his age – but I sometimes wonder if that means he also knows how to push my buttons.
He is not rude towards me at any other time, but as soon as an idea comes to his mind, he becomes relentless. I feel absolutely devastated by this. What should I do?
tired mom
Dear tired mother,
Oh, I hear you. I hear you out loud. I am also a mother of a child teen – Not only that, I also remember being one. I was terrible! Do you remember your teenage years? I once threw a metal remote control at my father and insulted him with something I had read in a book and memorized and saved until I specifically wanted to cut. Even now, almost 30 years later, I shudder when I remember how hurtful that must have been – not to mention downright rude.
Yours teen Verruca salts may have a great effect Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – And this is not an excuse for his behavior… but a major reason for it, is being a teenager. This is actually part of his development process. Puberty triggers significant hormonal changes That can affect teens’ mood — and the emotional center of the brain also develops faster than the prefrontal cortex, which handles impulse control and reasoning.
As we know, teenagers have an incredibly complex social challenge to navigate and navigate – both on and offline, which is something we can all be grateful we didn’t have to deal with in the 1990s. I don’t know how I would have handled it snapchat and tiktok and whatsapp bullying Navigating complex social dynamics, worrying about your teenage acne, dealing with everyday school issues like exams, revisions, friendships, crushes. part time jobs –And go to sleep.
On the latter, how much sleep is your son getting on average each night? I actually googled the recommended one. Bedtime for teens this morningAfter a particularly intense conversation with my daughter: It told me that teenagers need more rest than younger children. Or Adult; For eight to 10 hours every night.
One Interesting recent studies Showed an interesting connection between sleep and empathy. a bad night Sleep According to a leading neuroscientist, this can not only make us less empathetic and more likely to focus on the negative, but also more likely to make bad decisions.
Russell Foster, Professor of Circadian neuroscience at the University of Oxford and director of the Sleep and Circadian Neuroscience Institute, also said that “impulsivity is another thing that happens when you’re tired”, so trouble sleeping can lead you to make “silly, unreflective” decisions. That sounds pretty juvenile to me.
It’s not my intention to invalidate your experience – I’ll be honest, it sounds like you’re getting a particularly raw end of the deal. wonder if Parents alone or with someone else, Who could possibly handle some limit-setting and feedback for you?
If not, first of all, pat yourself on the back for continuing to care for mom – and worry – in such a loving and consistent manner. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be stressed about it and you wouldn’t be writing. Your child is very lucky for this.
I have some questions about your son’s emotional regulation – which, although it’s a very normal part of being a teenager, may show some Early signs of neurodivergence such as ADHD. It’s not something you need to worry about (I’m parenting two neurodivergent children), but it might be something to read or talk to your GP about, so you have some increased understanding and feel more equipped to deal with those times when he loses control (like throwing furniture around).
I am concerned about Your stress levels and anxiety. I think it would be beneficial to spend some time doing an activity outside the home that allows you to release some of this built-up cortisol: could you join a running group, go to the gym, try CrossFit or boxing? You can do yoga, Pilates or even find a dance class.
It may also be worth looking for some tips on how to set healthy, clear boundaries with more challenging or emotional children. Sometimes, local councils offer behavior management and parenting classes – these can often be accessed through your local school. There are online resources available through groups such as ConnectedGiving tips on how to create firm boundaries or rules – and how to avoid fights.
But most of all, pat yourself on the back, even if you aren’t able to raise your hand because you’re too tired. You care, you are creating a safe home in which he feels able to clearly express his – shall we say, more dramatic – feelings, and this too shall pass. Ultimately. This happened to me.
Do you have a concern you would like to raise anonymously? dear vixlove issues, relationsFamily and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk