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In her early 20s, Cassie Lafon lived in Branson, missouriA tourist city known for its aging population. She wanted to date but found it to be a challenge, so – like many people her age – she turned to apps.
Over the course of five years, he got dates here and there, but they always flirted with each other. “I tried and I failed,” she said. “There wasn’t really much I could do about it.”
The issue, in his eyes? Lafon, now 28, is seriously ill. she has Ehlers-Danlos syndromeA connective tissue disorder, as well as many other health problems. Her peers didn’t know how to deal with her challenges, or they had a god complex and wanted to treat her as an invalid. That said, it was a hard ‘no’.
That all changed when Lafon moved on to Dateability, an app designed for both disabled and chronically ill people. Lafon’s mother saw a news story about it and urged him to try it. Soon after joining, she found her forever partner, Colin Laffon, who suffers from cerebral palsy and had a similar dating experience.
They got married in September.
“We all have this fairy tale in our minds about falling in love and meeting your person,” said Colin Laffon from his home near Birmingham, Alabama. “But at the end of the day, all four of my parts don’t fully function. There’s an extra piece that comes with everything.”
dating While handicapped made easy
What Lafons describes is exactly why two sisters in Denver, Colorado, launched Dateability three years ago. One, 31 year old Jacqueline ChildEhlers-Danlos was left disabled due to lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and several other conditions that affected her health from head to toe. He has to use a feeding tube to survive.
Child remembers experiences of being ghosted or rejected for months on mainstream dating apps.
“Any mention of disability was completely negative,” he said. “They didn’t even give it a chance, they didn’t know what my life would be like, but they assumed it would be tragic.”
She and her older sister, Alexa Child, now have nearly 40,000 registered users and recently updated Dateability to improve the look and functionality. They have expanded their user base to include Canada, Mexico, and the UK
Jacqueline said, “I just wanted a level playing field for people who were interested in me and other young people who were interested in it too.”
Millions of people report disability
More than 70 million American adults, or one in four, reported having a disability in 2022, according to the latest data available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This is the year the Child Sisters founded DateAbility.
In the first month they had 1,000 people sign up. The founders said their user base has grown 10x in the last year.
The service has both free and paid options. Among the differences in tiers: Users who don’t pay must like or pass another profile before they can view it. Paying users can see all the profiles that have sent them a “Like” at once.
Dateability also welcomes non-disabled users, screening as much as possible to avoid those that attract the chronically ill or disabled. The sisters have found that most non-disabled people who use it have some connection to the disability or chronically ill communities, either through a loved one or their own advocacy work.
“We wanted to make it really inclusive,” Alexa said.
Finding Long Term Partners Online
In Pikesville, Maryland, 23-year-old Sophie Brisker found her boyfriend on Dateability. She joined the app in 2022 after developing debilitating symptoms just before her 18th birthday due to chronic fatigue syndrome and other long-term conditions. She remains homebound for several months, attends college online, and uses a wheelchair for long distances.
“It’s really exhausting to tell someone about all of your limitations and your illnesses,” Brisker said. At the time, she was looking for a partner, unsure whether a romantic relationship was possible.
“It was important to me to know that someone would be comfortable doing a lot of the things that most normal couples do,” she said.
Her partner has been suffering from Covid-19 and other chronic diseases for a long time. Now, the two are planning to move together to Louisville, Kentucky. “We hit it on everything,” Brisker said. “We understood each other in a way that other people didn’t.”
Matthew Shapiro, 34, is a disability advocate in Richmond, Virginia. He works with businesses, organizations, state legislators, and others who want to learn how to be more inclusive. He was born with cerebral palsy and uses a power chair to get around.
Shapiro has dabbled in online dating on mainstream apps and another service for the disabled.
“People’s intentions on those apps weren’t always pure,” Shapiro said. “I was looking for a place that felt like a community.”
Over the years he has had relationships with people he has met online and in person, including a relationship with a non-disabled woman who questioned her ability to deal with Shapiro’s personal care needs.
At Dateability he met a woman who changed his life. The elder mother of two was born without fingers on her left hand and she was not daunted by her challenges. After dating for several months, both have become close friends.
“It was the first time I felt completely seen, accepted, and loved in a relationship,” Shapiro said. “With traditional apps, you have to hope that people are nice to you, but with Dateability, everything is fine.”
App leads to friendly dates for disabled people
In addition to stigma and misconceptions about their abilities and challenges, people with chronic illnesses and disabilities face other barriers to dating.
Not all social venues such as bars and restaurants are fully accessible. This may mean no ramps, poor lighting, or a noisy environment. Online, some dating apps have limited assistive technology, such as sign language support or screen reader compliance with common software for people with visual impairments.
Talking openly about their individual needs can also be challenging, Shapiro said. Some people have given up on dating altogether, or have never tried.
,People “People with disabilities deserve love and relationships just like anyone else,” he said, adding, “Love without any worries.” Love without hesitation and questions. There are a lot of disabled people who don’t know what it feels like.”