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A A few weeks ago, I went on the 30th birthday partyWhich many people now consider to be the new 21st. A bar was rented in Notting Hill for a minimum spend of £1,000. With drink prices in London and 50 people on the list who have confirmed their attendance, it should have been very possible. Only 15 of them came. The birthday girl had to pay the extra cost herself. She said it was okay, but you could see the disappointment in her eyes – which some of those close to her Friend Bail was granted without any explanation.
This is just one example of the bickering trend among my generation that is becoming a widespread friendship epidemic. When I returned home, I told my family about the ordeal without showing it. In return he told me the story of how someone he knew bought 200 pairs of headphones to host a silent disco to celebrate the beginning of his thirtieth decade, only for about 25 people to be in attendance. Needless to say, she is now very scared of hosting her 30th, such is the fear of an empty dancefloor.
earlier this year, a search It found that while only 31 per cent of people aged 55 and above admitted to failing to make plans, 68 per cent of people aged 18 to 34 revealed that they often lapse due to social engagements. “My friends give a lot of reasons why they can’t access the things that have changed in the boy Who Cried wolf,” says 29-year-old Lauren, whose companions had left Friday night dinner shortly before our conversation. “I could have made other plans,” she says dejectedly. “I think the ‘instability’ is because people are trying to fit in too much. They are too busy and try to commit too much. “I’m not here for that.”
“We’re really pushing for that personalization culture,” says Michelle Elman, author of bad friend And How to say no: settings boundaries For your friendship, your body and your life.Who is angry at pop psychology’s use of the therapy term “boundaries” on social media, which has given everyone license to be mean to their friends. “You don’t have to give anyone an explanation about your boundaries or for saying no — but you do have to give an explanation if you cancel,” she tells Separately. “What started as a really positive conversation about self-love and prioritizing your needs has grown so much further.”
after the pandemicIntroversion has become an attraction. A cursory browse of Instagram or TikTok will show you tons of videos about “bed rot” or “being a cat lady at 25.” Of course, this also includes cost of living. Dining out, concerts, parties, vacations, day trips, being a good friend can get expensive. For example, the cost of being a wedding guest is now almost equal to 20 percent of monthly salaryInstead, young people are choosing to stay in London and “enjoy their rents”, which now average £2,243 a month in London, ONSMaybe it’s no surprise 40 percent of adults aged 16-29 They reported feeling lonely often or always.
“Since the pandemic, we have lost the clear boundary between work and our social lives,” Elman says. “We are working more hours a day than ever before. It started with technology being in our hands. As a result, our social lives are weakening. We are almost always at the point of exhaustion because we don’t have enough space for our work. Other things fall to the wayside and our friends can become our lowest priority.” Not long ago, you’d only expect bankers, lawyers and maybe doctors to work all week and hibernate in their spare time, but now almost half (48 per cent) of full-time workers in the UK are employed. Report feeling burnt Often from their jobs, which is a frustrating situation.
Young people most often cite mental health as a reason for opting out of plans, with 47 percent of 18-34s using this excuse, while 31 percent of those over 55 use this excuse. Specifically, more than a third of adults say they have lied about why they missed it – but that rises to 45 percent among those 18 to 34. “I’ve noticed an avoidance of difficult conversations in our culture,” Elman reflects. “This is where technology comes in. It’s easy to surface a text and then hide behind it. That’s when white lies come out, or we don’t tell people that we’re not being forthcoming. In fact, I’m a big believer in the idea that clarity is kindness.”
if you are In fact If you’re struggling mentally and you’re open and honest about it, your friends may try to help — rather than assuming the worst: that you’re too lazy or selfish to stick to plans. “When you open that door and are vulnerable with the people around you and tell them what’s really going on, it gives them an opportunity to support you,” says Elman. “Because if it’s out of character, surely this should be a chance for them to be a good friend?”
But many of us cancel for smaller, more selfish or unimportant reasons; Let’s say, it’s raining, we’re feeling a little sleepy, or we got a better offer. “This individualistic culture means we don’t recognize that friendships will sometimes be uncomfortable,” says Elman, noting how technology has made us feel like everything from new clothes to food to friendships should come easily. “A 30th birthday may not fall on a day when you have a tremendous amount of energy or want to especially leave the house, or you’re really stressed at work, but if you don’t come through for your friend — don’t expect them to come through for you.”
Elman points to a popular TikTok video by Grace Beverly Where TALA Founder and hard work The podcast host went to clean her friend’s house after she recently welcomed a baby. “The whole comment section was full of people saying, ‘Oh my God, how do you get friends like that? I want friends like that!’ Why aren’t people asking how? Happen That friend,” she questions. “It’s always about putting yourself first. But what people don’t recognize is that long term, that’s actually bad for you. If there are no people around you, the day you get to the hospital, there will be no one there.”