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I traveling alone to Tobago Shortly after turning 45, I felt like my life was in trouble. Perimenopausal symptoms are surprisingly regular, causing sleep disruption, sudden irritability, and severe symptoms. anxiety. Middle age does not bring clarity, but loneliness.
I never imagined that, at this age, I would be single, without children, in need of a caregiver, and without a regular circle of friends. Lonely Suddenly, it was always on my mind. Most of my friends are married with kids, their lives are full, and their priorities are understandably elsewhere. I often feel like I’m standing outside the rhythm of other people’s lives, unsure of my own place.
I realized I didn’t just want to take a break. I crave connection: real, unhurried, human connection. I wanted to sit with people, have good conversations, and wander aimlessly. I wanted to go somewhere kinder to my nervous system, so I chose the Caribbean island of Tobago.
From the moment you arrive, the island has a gentle feel to it. Even at customs I saw smiles and conversations, a simple warmth that caught me off guard. The pace slowed, as if the island demanded less of me.
i live in Castara Ashram On my first few nights, they had a yoga retreat there. I’m very spiritual, although yoga has never been my thing. Still, I wanted to give it a try and hopefully find my footing. During the first meeting, something happened. My breathing slowed. My body feels more stable. For the first time in months I was unprepared.
Perimenopause makes me feel disconnected from my body. In Tobago, surrounded by birdsong and warm air, I started to feel myself again. Hearing the rooster crow in the morning and watching the day unhurriedly unfold, I began to relax.
After a few days, I moved to a place closer to the beach and booked Coco Cay Resort and Spa. I heard about the Senior Milford Swimmers, friends who have met every morning at 6.30 for over 40 years. After joining them, I was moved by their devotion to each other. Swimming, laughing, and sharing stories at sunrise has helped my mental health more than I could have ever imagined.
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I made a friend, Angie, and she invited me back to her resort for tea. We clicked immediately. She told me places to visit and checked on me every day to make sure I was safe.
Connecting in Tobago feels effortless. One afternoon I walked into a chocolate making demonstration that I had not booked. I was not told to come back another day but was welcomed back. The chocolatier showed me how almond and dark chocolate are made and encouraged me to taste them. There are no time limits and no emphasis on appointments. It amazes me that back home, kindness is often conditional.
One day, while walking back from the beach, I was Island Cottage Cafeattracted by its comfortable and open feel. People inside were not in a hurry, but were sitting, chatting and laughing. Strangers can become friends simply by sitting at the same table. The owners Breana and Shabbir are from the UK and are warm, open and generous.
Their nine-year-old daughter welcomed me with great ease. She designed the jewelry and insisted on making a Tobago bracelet for me and carefully stringing it for me. We are pen pals now.
This small gesture touched me deeply. Being welcomed not as a tourist passing through, but as someone worth caring for made me feel like family. They took me out to see parts of the island, made sure I wasn’t alone, and made every effort to help me enjoy my stay.
One night I met Ronnie and Charlene at a hotel. We started chatting and realized we had similar interests.
“Come have dinner with us,” they say, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Over the next few days they drove me out to visit the island and brought me coconut water to keep in my room.
Then there was James whom I met at the coffee shop. I told him how scared I was of the sea, so he took me there pigeon point And encouraged me to get in the water. When my feet hit the sand again, I felt something brush against me.
I screamed as a small brown crab crawled onto my back. “Oh,” he said softly. “I forgot to tell you—there’s crab in it.”
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If he had told me before, I would never have entered the water. Instead, I left feeling empowered and stronger. A stranger took the time to help me face a fear I didn’t know I could overcome. He offered to show me around and take me to dinner and stop at a few places along the way so I could look at the menu since I’m a strict vegetarian.
The best moment was when James suggested we pray together before dinner. I was deeply moved. This is something I usually do privately, but it felt grounding to share it. He wouldn’t let me pay for the meal. Who would do this for a stranger?
As a single woman traveling alone, I felt safe in Tobago. People care about me. Tobago is a spiritual place, not through grand gestures but through quiet humanity. One day I walked to the laundromat. Angie sent me the details and opening hours. When I got there I met a lady who was with her friend. They took me back to the hotel and had a drink together. It all felt so natural – something that doesn’t happen at home.
Being a single woman in the UK can feel isolating. Lately, as hostility and racism towards Sikhs has increased, I too have felt unwelcome. There is always a sense of exhaustion that comes from having to put in the effort. In Tobago, I didn’t have to try.
When I left, most of my anxiety subsided, as if I had gently let go of it. I’m not as alone as I thought. The friendships I’ve made aren’t fleeting: I’ve been invited back to live with people who were once strangers.
Returning was difficult, London was growing fast again, but Tobago changed something fundamental for me. It reminds me that kindness still exists and that connection is possible. Tobago gave me love. Not romantic love, but human love—the kind of love I didn’t realize I’d been missing. I came back more fulfilled, more stable, and stronger. For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.
Minreet was a guest of Castara Retreats, Coco Reef and Holiday Extra.
how to do
British Airways Offers flights from London Gatwick to Tobago with a stopover in St Lucia. Flight time is approximately 11 hours.
Where to stay
Accommodation location is Coco Cay Resort and Spa Sea view rooms start from £374 per night. The hotel has a private beach and outdoor swimming pool.