How to handle bill sharing among friends in a click-to-pay society

We’ve all been there – split bill exist dinnercovering the partner’s coffeeor send a quick transfer for concert tickets. This is part of modern social life. as money Becoming increasingly digital and instant, we no longer need to worry about doing math in our heads or bothering with changing notes and coins.

Now, we have an app that does just that. However, the way we exchange money is changing more than just our bank balances. It’s reshaping the dynamics of trust, communication, and even friendship.

We often don’t think about it, but money does have emotional weight. We experience what psychologists call “payment pain,” the negative emotional response to giving up money. It’s not just large sums of money that can make people feel uncomfortable or stressful – there are always some negative feelings associated with paying them.

So what’s the best way to handle it next time you’re splitting a bill? Just because we can ask for money through an app doesn’t mean it’s good for our friendship—sometimes there’s a better way.

Money is the last taboo

Money is also one of those slightly taboo topics, just like religion or politics. When money issues come up, we tend to be more willing to change the subject, even with our partners.

While “I’ll get back to you next time” may seem innocuous, new payment technologies such as PayID, Tap and Go and instant transfers mean there are fewer excuses for delays and tensions are more likely to arise when people don’t pay. Quickly transferring a request may feel efficient and convenient to one person, but uncomfortable and impersonal to another.

When we demand payment, we change social dynamics. A combination of psychological reactions and insecurities come into play.

These reactions can also damage the image we project to others. If we think of ourselves as generous and loving, we may be reluctant to ask for payment for that cup of coffee.

random IOU between friends Often exist in a gray area – too small to be worth fussing about, but important enough to stick firmly in our minds.

when we don’t mind shouting

Taking turns paying when we go out to eat or get coffee is more likely to make us happier because we don’t mind paying for the people closest to us. Spending money to spend time with others actually increases our happiness and makes us feel good when we give them a little treat or gift.

However, for people we are not close to, not sharing the bill can cause problems.

Reciprocity, the expectation of receiving something in return, can be coded as a debt. Getting paid, and then incurring social debt, can feel unpleasant. On the other hand, without reciprocity, some people may feel they are being unfairly taken advantage of.

Fear of judgment can sometimes prevent people from talking honestly about financial struggles, even with close friends. A recent survey revealed that one in three people lied about being financially better off than they actually were to protect their social status.

The same survey found this can have an impact on relationships, with a third admitting they ended a relationship because of money. Additionally, nearly 7 in 10 people said they chose not to attend social gatherings because they were concerned they would be too expensive. Of these, four out of 10 did not give a real reason.

There may be social costs

society etiquette Issues surrounding money have always struggled to keep pace with technology.

Messaging a close friend through an app like Beem (the Australian equivalent of Venmo), or even sending a text message to ask for repayment, can seem abrupt.

Since 2018, PayID allows us to send money to registered mobile numbers, removing the barriers to exchanging BSB and account numbers.

Although transferring money is faster and easier than ever, it’s social barriers, not administrative barriers, that are really holding us back.

How to handle bills

Ultimately, how we manage these exchanges, whether politely reminding a friend or quietly letting go, can reveal our social comfort zones. The closer the friendship, the more likely we are to ask in person, or simply let it go.

It helps to briefly mention money upfront, such as, “Do you mind if we split this?”. Socially it’s easier than having a discussion after someone pays or when you both go to pay. Paying half the bill at a restaurant feels natural, but handing over cash later or transferring money to a friend may feel uncomfortable.

If we view these exchanges as an investment rather than a debt, we’ll feel better about them.

So the next time you’re worried about asking for repayment, think of it as an investment in your friendship or relationship. This is more likely to help you enjoy the experience and your friendship.